The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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