My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
