i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize