He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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