i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
