So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nutella sex= disaster
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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