we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
