I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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