so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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