There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
