Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
