fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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