i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
