bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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