So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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