I should be sponsored by Trojan
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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