Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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