You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
