So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
