so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
