I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
