My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
