Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I supernannyed him into submission
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
