fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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