She's JV to your varsity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
