Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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