at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
