i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
someone owes me an orgasm
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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