Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
