i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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