Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
