just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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