dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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