don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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