Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So vagazzling was a success
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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