Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize