i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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