for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
