i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
