4 words: hood of his car
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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