LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
