i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
