I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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