i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
