I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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