Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
