We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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