Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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