I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
