u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize