just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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