So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
