He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
be right there i have to get my cape
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
