The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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