I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
