My friends, they love my intelligence
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
