Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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