Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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