i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
