im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
