so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
