thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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