Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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