at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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