when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You're like the curious george of whores
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
