Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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