Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
