What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
