So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
