I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
