im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
