Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
