She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
