so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
