i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
