Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
