The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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