Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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