There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
