at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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