I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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