I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
